Monologue 3: "Roses are red" - Craig monologue

I found the monologue 'Roses are red' was an interesting monologue to look at as it explored a very emotional and deep state of a character who's mother had died of cancer. However, like the other monologue from "And turning, stay" by Kellie Powell, the monologue was not from a published play. Therefore, doing this monologue would not be useful to me as I wouldn't be able to explore the character's emotions from before that monologue and afterwards. In addition, the character is also a teenaged boy. It would be possible for me to play the character of a male, however, the more suitable option for me would be playing a teenaged girl.

I believe the monologue is extremely sensitive as it covers two main topics: cancer and death. Doing this monologue would have to make me bare in mind that the people who may watch me do this monologue may be able to relate to it. Furthermore, I'd have to be as sensitive to the context of this monologue as possible. Nonetheless, due to the sensitivity of this monologue, it would allow me to be challenged and try my best to portray the character and the given circumstances being as careful as possible. If the monologue was from a play (being published) and the character was a teenaged girl instead of a boy, I would have taken the monologue into further consideration. 

The monologue:

Craig's mother died of cancer two weeks ago at a very young age. Craig's father sent him to a therapist to help deal with this tragic loss. Craig does not like the idea of seeing a therapist, but he agrees to go to please his father. Here, he is speaking to the therapist.

Craig: You understand? You understand? No, you don'tunderstand. You think just because you have a Ph.D. and a framed certificate on the wall, that you magically know what I'm feeling? What a load of crap. You've just doing your job -- making your money. You probably never cared about anyone in your life. Well I do. I care too much. That's why I'm going crazy. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Every time I see a woman who even slightly resembles my mom, I swear she's gonna turn around and it will be her. Alive, here, now, smiling at me. But it never is. I keep waking up in the middle of the night, screaming, all drenched in sweat. Yesterday, I put my fist through the window and shattered it into pieces. My mom is dead. She's dead, and I can't even cry. Cause if I do, it'll mean I accept, really accept, that she's gone forever. I don't want to do that. I can't do it. Can you understand that? I can't let my mom be gone.

Monologue 2: "Don't you dare walk away from me" - Amy monologue - 'And turning, stay' by Kellie Powell

I thought about doing the monologue "Don't you dare walk away from me" speaking from the character of Amy from a monologue created by Kellie Powell. Unfortunately, the monologue was not from a published play. Therefore, this monologue wasn't suitable for me to do as I wasn't been able to develop and explore the back story of the character. However, from reading the monologue alone, I thought doing the monologue would be great for me to do as the character is a teenaged girl in high school.

The synopsis of the monologue is about a girl named Amy who is angry at a boy named Mark who led her on and has now let her down. Due to this, Amy finally speaks out to him and lets out all of her anger that has formed inside of her and cannot contain it any longer. 

What I liked about this monologue is that it explored the angry side of a teenager going through a typical situation of a teenaged girl. However, this monologue did contain limitations of being able to explore a variety of emotional states as the monologue only explored two emotions: anger and vulnerability. Nonetheless, if the monologue was from a published play, it would be a perfect monologue to use for a girl who is my age.

The monologue: 

Don't you dare walk away from me! And don't tell me you're sorry! And don't tell me to forget it, and don't you dare tell me to "let it go." God knows, I'd like to. I wish I could, but I can't! I can't forget that we had something, and you're running away. You're running away! Don't you see, Mark? You're running from what I've searched for all my life! Why, because you're scared? Well, I'm scared too, but you and I - we have something worth fighting for. We could make it work, I'm not saying it would be easy, but I care about you. And I know deep down, under this (Spitting out the word.) bravado, you care about me. And that's what it's all about, Mark, don't you get it? It's the human experience. You can pretend all you want, but you're only lying to yourself. You're denying the simple and wonderful fact that you are emotional, and vulnerable, and alive.

Can you honestly stand there and tell me that I mean nothing to you? That everything that happened that night was a lie? That you feel nothing? (AMY is crying or close to it. The following is a painful statement that she makes not to attack or threaten Mark but rather, to allow herself closure with the situation.)I feel sorry for you, Mark. I'll move on. I'll find someone else. I'll be all right, because I will know that I tried. That I did everything I could. But someday you will look back, and you will realize what you threw away. And you will regret it always.

Monologue 1: "You're selfish" - Allie monologue - Mules by Winsome Pinnock

I decided to do the monologue "You're selfish" - Allie monologue from the play Mules by Winsome Pinnock as it contains so much potential to explore various emotional states within the character which allows me to present the monologue in the best way possible. The synopsis of the monologue is of a seventeen year-old girl named Allie who has ended up in a prison cell with another character named Lou. The reason for them being in the cell is due to them being caught at the airport trying to smuggle drugs into another country. Allie is trying to talk to Lou, however, Lou is purposely ignoring her due to yh current events that have taken place. Allie gets frustrated by this and shows this to Lou by having a rant at the beginning of her monologue. Although, after this rant, Allie then becomes lost in her own thoughts and talks to herself about past events that happened to her in her hometown: Jamaica. Allie had a rough childhood due to her being abused by her mum's boyfriend. When Allie projects her thoughts, she explains an event that happened due to the abuse of her mum's boyfriend. 

I believe doing this monologue will allow me to touch upon a sensitive topic that many young girls experience across the globe. It will allow me to explore different emotional states from being angry to being scared then being vulnerable. This monologue doesn't allow me to play it safe; it allows me to speak about things that many people would be scared to speak about. This monologue challenges me; it's a challenge I'm willing to accept! 

The monologue:

Approaching your script

First

Work out your character’s given circumstances; create a list of what you know about your character using evidence from the text. Separate this list into what people say about you and what you say about yourself. Then separate this research into a new list stating which are facts and which are opinions.

What people say about you?

(Fact or Opinion)

‘You seem to know what you want’ – Rose – Scene 2 page 7 – O

‘She looks just like a kid’ – Pepper – Scene 4 page 20 – O

‘A nice innocent little child, isn’t she?’ – Pepper – Scene 4 page 20 – O

‘You’ve got a good, kind nature and there’s people will take advantage of that’ – Pepper – Scene 4 page 20 – O

‘Pretty girl in the dark’ – Bad girl 1 – Scene 8 page 36 – O

‘Fur coat and no knickers’ – Bad girl 2 – Scene 8 page 39 – F

‘You seemed cool as a cucumber when I picked you up. Very cool for a first timer’ – Bridie – Scene 10 page 45 – O

‘You don’t know how strong you could be’ – Bridie - Scene 10 page 46 – O

What you say about yourself?

(Fact or Opinion)

‘I make up my mind very quickly’ – Scene 2 page 5 – O

‘I don’t believe in stealing’ – Scene 2 page 8 - O

‘Even if I had run away, I’d make sure I was still well turned out, clean and tidy’ – Scene 2 page 11 – O

‘I wasn’t frightened. More curious’ – Scene 4 page 16 – O

‘I travelled light, left everything back home except the clothes I stood up in’ – Scene 4 page 18 – F

‘I was a shop assistant. Worked in the same shop since I was sixteen’ – Scene 4 page 18 – F

‘I got a room’ – Scene 4 page 19 – F

‘Now all I need is to get myself a regular job’ – Scene 4 page 19 – F

‘I’m a good girl’ – Scene 4 page 21 – O

‘I have nothing’ – Scene 6 page 28 – O

‘I was mugged. My landlady chucked me out of her house because I couldn’t afford the rent. I’m all alone in the city. I haven’t eaten for two weeks. I’m not very good at begging’ – Scene 6 page 29 – F

‘I’ve had enough, right, of you, me mum, the whole bloody lot of you. I been fucked over once and too many times’ – Scene 8 page 40 – F

‘I’d do my disappearing trick, will myself to disappear. My body, just a body’ – Scene 8 page 40 – F

‘I felt full of this power’ – Scene 10 page 45 – O

‘I felt like I could do anything I wanted’ – Scene 10 page 45 – O

‘I feel like I can take on the world’ – Scene 10 page 46 – O

‘I can feel myself getting strong’ – Scene 10 page 46 – O

‘…crept all over the house at night and all over me, fucking bastard’ – Scene 10 page 48 – F

‘We’ve both lost all our lives’ – Scene 12 page 54 – F

‘All my life I’ve been somebody that nobody noticed. I could always count on being the one they served last at a bar. People just wouldn’t see me and now, all of a sudden, I’m standing out like a sore thumb, being dragged out for body searches’ – Scene 12 page 53 – F

‘(Allie points into space. Lou looks quizzically but, of course, sees nothing)’ – Scene 15 page 61 - F

Then…

1. Ask Questions.

You’re an actor approximating reality. So use any acting skills or techniques that you have at your command to create this reality. And ask as many questions as you can to make an unreal situation real for yourself, including:

a. Who am I? Reconstruct the character’s life and make it your own. “I” instead of “he” or “she” when you talk about them.

Prepare a written autobiography (using the evidence in the text and your imagination) so that you can define for yourself your character’s education, occupation, income, religion, likes, dislikes, age, weight, height, health, physical handicaps, behavioural characteristics, family life, customs and habits of the era in which s/he lives or the society in which s/he moves.

Like an internal monologue

(SPACE)

b. What is the present situation? What did the character come here to do . . . what does the character want . . . what is the character’s intention?

Portraying a strong intention may be all you need to do to make the character and the situation real for you. It helps to express this intention as a “to . . .” verb.

 b. What is the present situation?

What did the character come here to do?

She ran away from home to start a new life for herself. She was not happy at her home in Jamaica with her mum and her boyfriend; she needed to escape and get away from it all to live a happier life.

 What does the character want?

A happier life that doesn’t resemble the life she had in Jamaica. She wants to start fresh and begin a new life in London where she can get paid better than she did in Jamaica.

What is the character’s intention?

She wants to create a new life for herself in London. She would rather be anywhere else other than in Jamaica with her mum and her boyfriend; she wants happiness and stability.

c. Where am I? Define the environment . . . the place . . . as a force in your script: era, year, season, time of day, temperature, humidity, weather.

 c. Where am I?

SCENE 2 – It’s almost autumn as it is raining outside and is also a bit dark. I think it’s the late afternoon as it is getting dark and my character’s finding somewhere to live for a bit until she’s settled. It’s 1997 as a character asked for 20p for tea which suggests things were quite cheap then.

SCENE 4 – It’s midnight in London where she is on Waterloo Bridge. Due to it being midnight in autumn, the weather is quite cold.

SCENE 6 – It is cold on the street Allie is on in London. It’s around 10/11am as the event that previously took place with Allie happened during the midnight.  

SCENE 8 – It is late in the night where Allie was sleeping in the cold on a street in London. I know this as a character in the scene says Allie is in the dark.

SCENE 9 – Allie is now in a different environment as she is in a hotel room in London. Due to the environment changing, I think the weather would be quite warm. However, the weather is not too warm as it is nearly autumn.

SCENE 12 AND 13 – It is night time in a cell that is cold with a breeze.

SCENE 15 – It is late morning around 11am and Allie is behaving in a weird manner. Due to this, I’d say the temperature of the room would be not too cold yet not too warm to match her puzzling mood.

For each scene that you are in. Imagine the gaps. Even if you don’t speak you have to do it for the scene.

d. Working in costume.

1. Bring the relevant clothes for your character to help you get into your role.
2. Draw some in costume get pictures from magazines.
3. Add personal reflections by noting the choices you are making. Why does one costume idea work and another not work?

HOW TO ANALYSE A SCRIPT

There are 4 main steps to help you analyse a script:


1. Split your text into thoughts/beats - It is important to note down where you think there are opportunities to create meaningful pauses to create tension as well as suspension on stage.

2. Write objectives - Behind the lines you have, it is crucial to make sure there is a clear intention to go with it. For instance, I have a line that says "Do you think you're the only one that doesn't get visits?". If I consider the context of the line, the line is being said during a monologue where my character is extremely angry. Therefore, my objective for this line would be "to tense" as people tend to tense their body whilst they are angry.

3. Exaggerate objectives - Make sure you play your character to the fullest extent you can possible by living through your objective. Explore the extremes of the objectives even if it doesn't fit the context of your lines. Explore different things you can do with your lines. The more ideas and thoughts you have to make your performance come to life, the better it should be.

4. When the line comes, the objective feeds the line, not vice versa - The objective should bring the line to life - not the other way around. When your objective is clear, your line should be able to connect with it without any problems or confusion. Before you say a line, make sure you know for certain what your intention is behind it. If you can do this successfully, the audience of your performance should have no confusion about what you're doing on stage.
 

ADVICE: 

Don't worry about to getting your part right at first! It is okay to go from grey (bland and boring) to technicolor (a variety of emotions, objectives and actions). Remember to always keep experimenting with different things you can do - there are no limitations in the world of acting! The only limitations you can find are the ones you can subconsciously create for yourself if you build up a barrier between you and progression. Furthermore, do not restrict yourself when performing to only use one body part to project a certain emotion. Whether you're happy, excited, angry or depressed, implement that throughout your entire body to fully portray your character's emotions and state of mind physically. It is important to remember your body and voice work together as one and not separately. Make sure your body is in sync with what your voice is doing. Whatever your objective may be, make sure it is clearly shown equally in yor voice and body. Release instinct through your physical objectives, make them clear to not ony yourself but to the audience. If you do this, it will allow you to come to life as the character. Lastly, don't fixate too much on the actions. Although it is important to project emotional and mental states through your body as well as your words, when you rehearse something too much, it becomes unnatural. Therefore, be free! Explore different actions, vary the pitch of your voice and enjoy the journey you go through when discovering who your character truly is! Enjoy finding out more about your character and I guarantee this will help you to perform the character the best way you possibly could.

ADVICE FOR AN ACTOR/ACTRESS

ADVICE I WOULD GIVE TO A (DEVELOPING) ACTOR/ACTRESS

It is important to be able to visualise in your mind what you are saying out loud when performing your monologue. For instance, a line that my character Allie says is "his pokes left little indentations all over my body because there was no life in my skin". What I would make sure I do is create an image in my head of that to perform to that line to the best of my ability. If I can apply this technique to one of my lines, I should be able to apply it to the rest of my lines and perform my monologue as good as possible.
When you breathe whilst saying your lines, it should come from your belly - not from your head. Doing this technique helps the performance seem less rehearsed. Furthermore, your line should come from the objective you give your character to make you speak, not the action making you speak. It should not be an intellectual process when developing a piece of theatre you have to perform. The application of it should be purely physical and you should graft it.
Acting is about finding your artistic side on stage and find the honesty of what you're saying. It is important to believe in the lines you project on stage, not just say them without any meaning behind them.

SKILLS AUDIT

Performance skills:

• Voice (projection, control, accents, singing confidence)
• Characterisation
• Rehearsal skills
• Movement/ physical skills
• Different styles of acting (comedy? Shakespeare? Emotional work?)
• Confidence in working with text 

From analysing all the things mentioned above, I would give myself a 7/10 on how confident I am in all of those areas as I feel I have many things to improve on. For instance, My projection and control in my voice is good. However, I do not know how to do accents, my singing confidence isn't as high as it could be and I have poor articulation. In order to improve this, I must do articulation exercises such as tongue twisters, watch videos and tutorials on how to do different accents and practice singing daily and sing more in front of people. 
From looking at my characterisation skills, I have concluded that I am able to think outside of the box, I input ideas and try my best to explore different things that could be added to whatever I'm performing. Nonetheless, characters of an older age range (e.g. a character in their 20s) I haven't completely mastered along with being able to do humorous female roles. 
During rehearsal time, occasionally I get distracted when I feel I have rehearsed enough. However, every little bit helps and that's what I need to remember every time I rehearsal so that I always use my rehearsal time productively. 
I can tell a story using my body. Although, I am not flexible which restricts me on emphasizing on particular body parts as much as possible to portray a character to its full degree. In order to become more flexible, I aim to stretch for half an hour every day to improve my flexibility.
Shakespeare is something I would love to be able to do. Furthermore, comedy is something I would also like to do. The style of acting I am most confidence with is emotional work (drama). However, to be an all-rounder in acting, you must be able to do all of the above and more. In order to achieve this, when given the opportunity to choose whatever role you want to do, I will come out of my comfort zone and do Shakespeare or comedy so that I can become stronger in other fields of acting.
My confidence in working through text isn't bad. I am able to annotate a script to get a full understanding of the plot and my character and read in between the lines by using my English skills as an advantage. However, although I do know how to find objectives to give my character, I would like to improve on how to find objectives for them to make sure without fail I portray my character as well as I possibly can.

Performing isn't easy. You must be able to feel free enough to venture out of your comfort zone and allow yourself to try new and different things. If you can do this, I believe performing will come a lot easier to you as you are not restricting yourself and building boundaries that are stopping you from progressing as a performer. It is important to have confidence, drive and determination to be the best performer you possibly can.